The Fair is no Fairy Tale

Bryan and I met for lunch at the State Fair yesterday. It's happening only a few blocks from downtown so we both walked there to grab a bite.

It was amazing! We had Chicken-On-A-Stick and Funnel Cake! I also got some saltwater taffy just for good measure! The fair's policy this year is that rides won't start until 3:30pm because there has apparently been an issue in years past with students skipping school to go to the fair. So wile we were there for lunch no rides were going at all.

Well riding rides was one of the things I looked so fondly upon when I think of the fair so I was a little let down by not getting to go on any. Bryan, however, was not nearly as disappointed. He doesn't like to ride.

"To each his own," I say. "I'm going back."

As this topic comes up on our Friday night out with friends, Martin also agrees that riding rides is fun and since he had never been to the state fair and Bryan really didn't want me to go back by myself it was decided that we would get up and go together this morning.

Which we did.

We were pumped. The whole walk from the car to the fair grounds were filled with talks of foot-long corn dogs for lunch, funnel cake, chicken on a stick, caramel apples, rides, rides, rides, rides, rides!

We enter---

We go straight for the ticket booth---

We run to the first ride we see--- which happened to be the The Spider (think spinning car, on a spinning axle, on an up and down pivoting arm)

Because we got there as the fair was opening, there was no one in line for anything. Which allowed us to ride for as long as the ride operator felt like operating. It was only when the red-neck woman/ blessed angel from heaven a few cars behind us started screaming "Stop! Please Stop! I'm going to throw up! Please Stop the Ride!" did the ride stop--- I'm going to guess we were on The Spider for a solid 7 or 8 minutes.

What happens next doesn't really need an explanation but because I have chosen this path of a public life via blog, I must admit when life isn't at its most pleasant. Two minutes after exiting The Spider was one of those times. Martin and I looked at each other and decided to just sit on a bench for a second to stop the perpetual spinning of everything around us.

Praise the Lord I didn't give into that scrambled-egg-for-breakfast craving I'd had! Otherwise there may have been something worse than nothing to lose when I lost it.

We both felt incredibly sick after only having been on one ride so we decided to grab a sprite and find somewhere to sit in the shade.

With an almost immediate incapacitation, we knew not what to do with our 19 unspent tickets.

We sat in this nice Budweiser tent until we felt brave enough to venture back into la la land. We chose the Ski-Lift as our next carnie adventure. It takes you (very slowly and smoothly) from one end of the fair to the other and back again while you simply sit and take in the scenery.

We thought this ride would be incredibly harmless.

Until we started seeing signs like these:

Which would otherwise be completely tolerable and in some circumstances even appetizing.

(It was at this point that I felt like Ralphie from A Christmas Story after the Pompass's dogs ravaged their family's Christmas turkey: "No greasy corn dogs, no one-armed carnie-made lemonade, no world's smallest woman, no funnel cake, no rides, no corn cobs, no fresh biscuits...")

When we left the slowest ride the fair had to offer, Martin was feeling up to eating lunch. I, however, chose to opt out of the 1/4 lb. hamburger bash and ate nothing. Martin, I admire your moxy, but I don't know how the heck you ate anything!

After that, we were both still feeling a little iffy and absolutely not up for any more rides so we decided a mere two hours from the time we arrived, to throw in the towel. We had a lot of fun while we were there and despite the queasy feeling that is still lingering in my tummy even now, I wouldn't have traded my morning out for anything!

Bryan was merciless once I got home and thought the whole thing was hysterical. He asked me if I learned anything. And I said "yes."